Tongue Tucking Disclaimers

Wow, would I never want to be in the public eye. 


Which, I know, is ironic, because here I am posting my thoughts for all to see.  But what I mean is, I’d never want to get to the point where I’m popular enough for people to start thinking they have the right to misinterpret and put a spin on everything I say.


These days no one has an opinion, but everyone is shouting loud enough to think they’re doing a good job making people believe they do. It’s the same with average everyman and celebrity alike.  It seems like especially with public figureheads, whether it be talk show host, YouTuber, or famous athlete, everybody speaks with a disclaimer tucked behind their tongue. 


It’s ridiculous.


“So here’s what I think…BUT I’m not actually saying that I necessarily think such and such, I’m just saying it’s a way to think.  But in the end who am I to tell you what to think? *insert nervous chuckling* Did I succeed in not offending anybody?


I think humanity as a whole has lost some fundamental anchor in themselves.  Everyone is turning to everyone else for affirmation that they’re saying and doing the right things.  Of course, it’s questionable that we ever had that security of conviction to begin with.  Every generation thinks they’re the generation when humanity will fall apart.


In any case, it’s come to the point where it seems like the only thing people feel comfortable talking about is the fact that straight, white males are privileged.  In fact, it’s even come to the point where that’s all some straight, white males are comfortable talking about.


“Oh boy.  Confound my privileged position in society, am I right? Heh, heh…Oh jeez.  I apologize for my existence.  Please don’t hurt me.”


Don’t get me wrong.  I appreciate the fact that long-standing social injustices are being examined and exposed for what they truly are.  I just don’t think it has to come to the point where everyone is so afraid of being the next person/group being ostracized for political incorrectness, that we stop stating anything with real certainty at all. 


“No opinion is the best opinion.  If I just feed off of others’ thoughts long and hard, my individuality will become blurred enough for it to be impossible for me to be attacked.  Mwhahaha!  I shall engage in my genius plan immediately!”


Oh, wait.  You lost your soul in the process, ya’ dummy.




Off Balance

One thing I really enjoy is keeping people off balance. If you look real close at the behavior of human beings, you’ll find that at least half of it is based on the prediction of what others will do. The way we communicate is like a tactfully planned out game. And this game has rules that we expect each other to follow, so when someone suddenly breaks a rule, we’re left going, “Wait, wha?…that’s not…what I was expecting.”

*walks over to neighbor’s house*



“How ‘ya doin’?”

“Terrible, actually.”

“Good to hear, good to hea—wait, wha?”

“I said I’m doing terrible. ‘Cause…that’s how I’m doing.”

“Oh…I was…kinda expecting you to say good. Sorry.”

“Yeah, well I’m not.”


“Look. I just came over here to ask you for some salt ‘cause we ran out of some, so…if you could just hand that over…”

*expression of shock and disdain.*

We ask how people are doing even though we don’t really care all of the time. It’s an act of courtesy. Something that’s expected before you start a conversation, especially when it involves favors. It’s funny realizing how we really feel when things don’t go as planned. We don’t really care how the person is doing most of the time. They could have just stubbed their toe, broken up with their girlfriend, or lost their cat down an elevator shaft for all we care.  We just walked over there for some dang salt.

It always sucks when they actually respond with a sincere answer. Especially one that requires more of you than you feel like you’ve bargained for with your courteous question. Or should I say statement? It’s really more of a statement that you expect an automated response to.

Having your norm be disrupted feels off-putting or even chuckle-inducing, (depending on your outlook on life).

But what’s even more fun is being the one to disrupt it.

People don’t expect it, so it’s really funny to see the look on their faces and the response they decide to go with.

Just today I turned sitting in after-work rush hour traffic into something at least slightly enjoyable. I was derping along, tapping to the beat of a song on my steering wheel to diffuse my annoyance at staying in almost the same place for three minutes, when I turned to my right and found a guy staring at me intensely. He was practically glaring.  For what reason I don’t know. (Maybe his way of diffusing annoyance?)

When people stare at you they usually either turn away quickly themselves or expect you to. This guy was clearing expecting me to, so naturally, I turned it into a staring contest which lasted all of three seconds until I burst out laughing.

What were we even doing?

Why was he so unhappy?

Had he sensed how off beat I was?

I waved and smiled at him to see what he would do, and to my delight he laughed and waved back. The transformation on his face was stunning. He went from miserable to giddy in two seconds flat, and all it took was a wave from a weird stranger. I think everybody just needs a break from the norm sometimes. You shouldn’t be the one afraid to break it.

I’m sure not.