Super Smash Bros. Brawl, guys.
It’s a great game.
SO great a game that it sometimes finds itself worming its way into my daily life in silly and awkward ways.
For those of you who have never played the game, it’s basically a fighting game created for all characters Nintendo to battle against each other in.
For those of you who have played the game, (or any Zelda games) you know that there is a character named Link who makes these wickedly overexaggerated fighting grunts that sound something like “Hya-aa!” when he does moves like this.
These battle cries sound completely cool in the context of a fighting video game.
Not so much in regular daily life.
I’m weird, okay? And sometimes I let my imagination get mixed in with reality a little too much which ends up having me get caught doing ridiculous things quite often. One of the ridiculous things I like to do when no one is looking is (or listening) is utter a Link-sounding battle cry when I’m doing mundane things.
Let’s say I’m lifting a heavy box or something. In order to make the experience a more fun one, I’ll go “Hya-aa!” as I stumble across the room. I mean, if you’re gonna be forced to physically exert yourself, you might as well sound like a warrior doing it, right?
Scrubbing at a plate with a particularly stubborn piece of food stuck on it? “Hya-aa!”
In the kitchen chopping an onion with tears pouring down my face? “Hya-aa!”
Kicking open a door because my hands are full? “Hya-aa!”
I find it makes the boring things of life a lot more exciting and entertaining.
It was this last thing that I was doing (opening the door with no hands) when I found myself in a laughable predicament:
So the first thing you have to understand is I’m a low-profile germophobe. I don’t like touching hotel tv remotes, letting people borrow things that go near my face (like my phone or earbuds), using restaurant utensils, or touching doorknobs. Also, I cringe inside when someone reaches out to shake my hand because it’s one of the dirtiest and most bacteria infested parts of our bodies. Who decided we should greet each other that way? (I mean seriously, why can’t we just take a hint from other countries and bow in introductory settings instead?! ToT)
Anyway, now that I think about. You guys didn’t really need that little insight into my twisted, tormented mind. Kicking open bathroom doors is something most average people do, right? Because the immediate location of a bathroom reminds us how dirty our grimy little grabbing appendages really are. At least for a second.
So picture this.
I’ve just finished washing my hands in the single stall bathroom at my workplace. I’m desperately trying to keep my hands in the heavenly stage of antibacterial clean by manipulating water faucets with paper towels and leaning as far away as possible from the toilet area because it has just released thousands of microscopic toilet water droplets into the air. I’ve finished wiping my hands dry, but committed the deadly sin of throwing it away before using it to push the door open.
So what’s my only option?
To kick the door open, of course.
And what a better time to utter Link battle cry than when kicking a door open?
So, I did.
“Hyaa-ah!” I whisper shout, with eyes squinted shut and everything.
And of course, with my luck, there was someone standing on the other side of it. Even though there isn’t like 90% of the time.
A surprised wide eyed look when I realize someone has seen me.
A questioning look from the person looking on.
My awkward chuckle. “Oh…he-he…hey.”
Luckily, the woman who caught me laughed it off. Also luckily, it wasn’t my boss. Haha. Can you imagine how exponentially more embarrassing that would have been?
You’d think that after being caught in the act that I’d limit dorky warrior cries to home, but I still do it in public when no one is watching sometimes. What can I say?
Once a derp, always a derp.
I’m even doing it as I press the button to publish this post. ;P